Why your relationship with yourself is the most important in Motherhood.
Somewhere along the journey into motherhood, many women begin to believe that self-love is indulgent, unnecessary, or something to return to later. In fact, they often go as far as to forget about themselves completely- putting the needs of others before themselves and talking to themselves more as an enemy or an annoyance than a best friend.
But through the lens of matrescence — the emotional, physical, and identity shift that happens when a woman becomes a mother — self-love isn’t a luxury. It’s a foundation.
In motherhood support and maternity coaching, one truth comes up again and again: how a mother treats herself directly impacts how she experiences parenting, relationships, and daily life.
When I talk about “self-love” I’m not talking about escaping to a spa for the weekend or taking a bubble bath (although rest alone-is important) I’m talking about that inner dialogue with yourself. How do you speak to yourself. The compassion you offer to yourself on the hard days. How quickly you forgive yourself when things don’t go to plan, and how often you big yourself up.
Because the relationship you have with yourself is where it starts. What shapes every other relationship in your life.
Self-Kindness Changes How We Show Up as Mothers
When you are constantly self-critical, it’s exhausting. That inner pressure doesn’t stay contained — it spills into your parenting, your partnership, and your nervous system. You end up never comfortable in your own skin, never happy with how you’ve behaved or taught your children. Constantly down talking is something that leaks into all areas of life. Do you think your children benefit from a Mother who doesnt believe in herself?
In both matrescence coaching and motherhood support work, this pattern is common: women trying to “do better” while being relentlessly hard on themselves.
But when you begin to practice self-kindness:
You respond instead of react with your children
You create more emotional safety in your relationships
You stop expecting yourself to be everything, all the time
You demonstrate confidence and self trust
It is a process. And with a world full of comparison and examples of how someone else is doing it. it is often extremely hard to look at our own lives and see what we are doing right-rather than whats missing. But we must try. We must try to set this standard for our children to stop the endless comparison of Instagram and social media.
Motherhood is a demanding season, and you are human!
This isn’t about becoming endlessly calm or patient overnight. It’s about recognising that motherhood is a demanding season — and you are human within it.
Connection Starts Within
So much advice for parents focuses on improving connection outside of ourselves — better communication, more quality time, fewer conflicts.
But in matrescence and maternity coaching, we see that real connection starts internally.
When you feel more connected to yourself — your needs, limits, and emotions — it becomes easier to:
Ask for support without guilt
Express what you need clearly
Stay present instead of overwhelmed
Truly feel content & happy within your body and mind
Through creating space, you enable yourself to breathe. To reconnect….with yourself first, and then with the people you love.
This Month’s Invitation
You dont need to do more. You dont need to do things differently, you are doing a fantastic job already. But see that! See how much you do.
I ask you to notice how you speak to yourself, then ask; is this how I would talk to my best friend or my children? If it isnt- change it! Give yourself the same compassion you would offer to those you love.
Because when mothers are supported through matrescence, when self-love is prioritised rather than postponed, everything around them begins to benefit too.
It is a long life to be trapped with someone you dont like! So, learn to love yourself- become your own best friend. Then watch your world change.
Lou x