Beyond The Birth Plan: preparing for birth & Motherhood | Hannah Swales

There is a strange contradiction in the way we prepare women for motherhood.

On one hand, we tell pregnant women not to worry. Stay positive. Trust your body. Don't listen to frightening birth stories.

On the other, birth is unpredictable.

So how do we help women approach birth feeling confident and empowered without accidentally creating another impossible standard they can feel they've failed to meet?

It's a question I wanted to explore with yoga teacher and birth preparation practitioner Hannah Swales because I've experienced both sides of it myself.

When your birth plan becomes another expectation

Before having my first child, I threw myself into hypnobirthing. I loved the calm environment, the preparation and the feeling that I was doing something positive and proactive before becoming a mother. I came away genuinely believing in my body's ability to birth my baby and feeling very clear about the kind of experience I wanted.

But somewhere along the way, I became very attached to that version of birth. Then birth happened — and it wasn't the birth I had imagined.

Looking back, I can see how strongly I had clung to the idea that my body would simply know what to do and everything would unfold naturally. When it didn't, I didn't just feel disappointed. I felt as though I'd failed, and that's an incredibly difficult feeling to carry into the first days of motherhood.

It raises an important question about birth preparation: are we preparing women for birth, or preparing them for one particular version of birth?

Hannah believes there's an important distinction. For her, birth preparation isn't about convincing every woman to have an unmedicated birth, a home birth or any other prescribed version of the "right" birth. It's about knowledge, options and self-trust.

Good birth preparation should include the difficult bits

Hannah describes birth preparation as an "unlearning". Part of that involves reconnecting with your body and questioning some of the assumptions we've absorbed about what birth should look like. But it also means being practical.

Birth isn't linear. Plans change, medical interventions may be offered or become necessary, and circumstances can shift very quickly. Hannah therefore talks to parents about possible interventions as part of her birth preparation courses rather than avoiding them in the name of positivity.

For her, understanding what might happen means parents can ask better questions and participate more confidently in decisions if circumstances change. That's very different from preparing for disaster. It's preparing for possibility.

Perhaps that's one of the most useful shifts we can make when thinking about a birth plan. Instead of approaching it as this is the birth I must have, we can think: this is what I would like, I understand my options, and if things change, I can still participate in what happens next.

Empowerment doesn't mean refusing help

One thing I was particularly interested in discussing with Hannah was the tension between trusting yourself and accepting medical support, because empowerment can easily become another ideology.

Women receive endless messages about the "right" way to give birth, feed their babies, sleep, recover and parent. Natural birth versus medical birth. Breast versus bottle. Routine versus responsive parenting. One philosophy versus another. The pressure to do motherhood correctly starts before the baby has even arrived.

Hannah's approach is less about telling women what decision to make and more about helping them feel able to make it. Her metaphor is a toolbox: you have your own tools and resources, midwives have theirs, and obstetric teams have theirs. You don't have to see those things as opposing forces.

The important thing is understanding your choices and being able to use the support available when you need it. Self-trust isn't the same thing as doing everything alone.

What does a positive birth actually mean?

Perhaps we also need to rethink what we mean when we talk about a "positive birth". It doesn't necessarily mean an intervention-free birth. It doesn't have to mean a home birth. It doesn't even have to mean that everything went according to plan.

For Hannah, what matters is whether a woman emerges feeling that she was heard, respected and involved in what happened. That's a far more useful definition than judging the success of a birth according to a checklist.

Because the transition doesn't finish when the baby arrives. Birth is also the doorway into motherhood.

Birth is the beginning of matrescence

This is where the conversation becomes particularly interesting to me. My work focuses heavily on matrescence: the physical, psychological, emotional, social and identity transition of becoming a mother.

We often talk about pregnancy, birth and motherhood as though they are separate stages, but they're not. A woman doesn't simply leave her birth experience at the hospital door.

She carries it with her into motherhood while simultaneously recovering physically, adapting to a new identity, dealing with sleep deprivation, learning to care for a baby and navigating changes in her relationships. That's an enormous transition, which is why preparation for motherhood needs to extend beyond getting the baby out.

Why do we prepare so much for the baby and so little for the mother?

One of the most striking parts of my conversation with Hannah was how quickly attention can move away from the woman after birth. During pregnancy, you're monitored. People want to know how you are, how you are getting on, Appointments fill the calendar. Then the baby arrives and suddenly the baby becomes the centre of almost every conversation.

How are they feeding? How are they sleeping? Are they gaining weight? Are they meeting milestones?

Meanwhile, the mother may be wondering what happened to her body, why she doesn't feel like herself, why she's finding things so difficult, what's happening to her relationship, when she's supposed to recover and who exactly she is now.

Those questions are part of becoming a mother too.

New mothers need somewhere to land

Hannah sees this transition repeatedly because many of the women she supports during pregnancy return to her postnatal classes with their babies. And the classes aren't simply about yoga.

They're somewhere to go. Somewhere where feeding your baby throughout the whole session doesn't mean you've "failed" to participate. Somewhere where another woman can admit she's struggling too. Somewhere you can ask the ridiculously practical question that's been taking up half your brain and discover somebody else already knows the answer.

That's community, and it matters enormously. Particularly somewhere like Ibiza, where many of us are raising children away from our families and the support networks we might otherwise have around us.

Motherhood was never supposed to be this isolated

We talk frequently about "the village", but the idea can become another motherhood cliché. What does a village actually do?

It shares the load. It's somebody bringing food rather than saying, "Let me know if you need anything." It's another mother answering the question you were embarrassed to ask. It's having somewhere to go when you haven't spoken to another adult all day. It's knowing that somebody else's baby screamed all night too.

Community is practical support as much as emotional support. And perhaps most importantly, it challenges the idea that a "good mother" should be capable of handling everything herself.

She shouldn't have to.

Birth partners need preparation too

Hannah also works extensively with birth partners, and I loved hearing her talk about the change she sees when partners understand that they have a genuine role to play. They don't need to "fix" birth. They can support.

They can understand what matters to their partner, help communicate her preferences and become a familiar, reassuring presence when everything else around her feels unfamiliar. Preparation gives couples the opportunity to talk about those things before they're in the middle of labour.

What do I need when I'm frightened? What makes me feel safe? How do I want you to advocate for me? When should you speak and when should you simply stay beside me?

Those conversations aren't only useful for birth. They're good preparation for parenthood too.

The lesson underneath all of it: trust yourself

Towards the end of our conversation, I asked Hannah to strip everything she teaches down to one message. Her answer was simple: trust yourself.

And I think there's something in that that extends far beyond birth.

Motherhood introduces an extraordinary amount of external noise: advice, experts, Instagram, books, family, friends, health professionals, other mothers, Google. Everyone seems to have an opinion about what you should be doing.

Expertise and support absolutely have their place. Sometimes we need other people's knowledge. But somewhere amongst all that information, we also have to learn to hear ourselves.

What do I need? What matters to me? What feels right for my family? What support do I need? And what expectations am I carrying that were never really mine in the first place?

Perhaps preparing for motherhood isn't about having all the answers. Perhaps it's about knowing that when things don't follow the plan — because inevitably some things won't — you can still find your way through.

Listen to the conversation

Listen to my full conversation with Hannah Swales on The Mothership Podcast for more on birth preparation, self-trust, birth partners, postpartum recovery and the importance of community in early motherhood.

About Hannah Swales

Hannah Swales is a yoga teacher, birth preparation practitioner and mother with over 15 years of experience supporting women through pregnancy, birth and the transformative journey into motherhood.

She has built a strong community in Ibiza through her prenatal and postnatal groups, creating a space where mothers can connect, share and feel supported. Hannah also offers online birth preparation classes for expectant parents around the world and leads luxury wellness retreats in Ibiza combining yoga, movement, breathwork, meditation and connection.

Website:www.hannahyogaibiza.com
Instagram: @hannah_yoga_ibiza

About The Mothership

The Mothership explores the conversations we need to have about motherhood, matrescence, identity and the enormous transitions that happen when women become mothers.

For more episodes, resources and information about matrescence coaching, parental transition consultancy and speaking, visit www.lounevitt.co or follow @lounevitt.co.