The reality of a working expat Mother

There’s a particular kind of pressure that comes with being a working mother on a seasonal island. From the outside, places like Ibiza can look idyllic…Sunshine, beaches, freedom, flexible lifestyles. And in many ways, they are. (That’s why we chose to live here)

But once the season starts, life goes up a notch. The flights start piling in and suddenly everyone moves up several gears. Especially mothers.

Work intensifies. Hours get longer. Childcare becomes a complicated puzzle. Routines disappear. The juggle between work, relationships, motherhood, home life and trying to look after yourself can start to feel hectic, stressful and heavy.

If you already have school-aged children, chances are you’ve found a bit more rhythm again. You’ve probably navigated the initial shock of returning to work after children and slowly started finding your feet again.

But that first season after having a baby? That is a completely different story.

Returning to work after becoming a mother is emotional. It changes the logistics of your entire life, but it also brings changes emotionally and psychologically.

So many women expect to simply slot back into who they were before children. Then reality hits and it doesn’t quite work like that. Confidence can feel shaky. Concentration changes. Priorities are different.. You can feel guilty for working, while also feeling guilty for not wanting to be at home all the time either.

The imposter syndrome can hit hard too. Especially if you’ve been away from work for a long time. Maybe your colleagues seem ahead of you now. Maybe they can stay later, attend every meeting, say yes to every opportunity while you’re trying to get back for nursery pick-up or rushing home for bedtime.

And living somewhere seasonal away from your family can make those feelings feel even bigger.

A lot of the island runs on tourism, hospitality, events, wellness, nightlife and self-employment. Amazing industries to be part of, but also intense, unpredictable and demanding ones. Summer doesn’t always allow for the kind of structure family life needs.

Partners often work opposite schedules. Workdays stretch late into the evening. Many people are raising children far away from grandparents or family support. The “village” people talk about often doesn’t exist here in the way many imagined it would.

There’s also the mental load that follows women everywhere. The planning. The organising. The constant switching between roles.

You have to be able to be present when you are with your kids and then completely focused when you are replying to emails. The two worlds need to be separated to both thrive, but it’s sometimes not that easy. Despite what people love to say about “balance”, it rarely feels balanced at all.

It requires constant adjustments. Constant negotiation. Trying to make everything fit together in a way that works for your family at that moment in time. You have to integrate. Made small adjustments to fit your situation until that doesnt work anymore and you have to tweak again.

At the same time, work can still hold huge value for mothers too and I think that’s something women are often scared to admit out loud.

Enjoying work does not mean you love your children any less.

Sometimes work reconnects women to parts of themselves they thought they’d lost. Confidence. Purpose. Identity. Adult conversation. Financial independence. Feeling respected again. Feeling capable again.

For some women, returning to work can feel like coming back to themselves a little bit.

And for others, motherhood changes their relationship with work completely. Some women feel so unsupported after maternity leave, that they simply cant see a way to make it work in that job. So they leave.

They start businesses. Work freelance. Build something of their own.

And while that can feel empowering, it can also be exhausting too.

Running a business while raising children often means late nights, early mornings, working during nap times and carrying the emotional load of family life while trying to stay productive and financially secure at the same time.

It’s a lot.

Wouldnt it be amazing if those women didnt have to leave their workplaces in the first place. What if they were supported enough to find their way back into their working identity with grace, so that when they find their footing - they come back stronger. With skills that make them incredibly efficient problem solvers and leaders.

In an island where staff turnover can be seasonal, how beneficial would it be to companies to hold on to their staff? To build them up so they can champion the company as an expert. A leader.

I think more honest conversations around motherhood and work are needed. The reality is, two things can be true at the same time. Motherhood and work can feel fulfilling and overwhelming. You can deeply love your children and still need something that belongs to you too.

Where ever you are at in your journey - remember that it’s your journey- and you are doing great!

Love Lou x